


trust yourself to this feeling

by kyoongs



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Actual sun Taeyang, Alternate Universe - College/University, Annoying best friends Seokwoo and Chanhee, Awkward Youngkyun, Fluff and Humor, M/M, squint for inseong/seokwoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-01 03:37:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15765801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyoongs/pseuds/kyoongs
Summary: Kim Youngkyun is a creature of habit and takes comfort in following the same routine. All it takes is a sunny smile from Yoo Taeyang to knock his entire world out of its orbit. Somehow Youngkyun doesn’t seem to mind.





	trust yourself to this feeling

**Author's Note:**

> my first (and definitely not last) contribution to the sf9 + hwitae tag! what was supposed to be 2-3k of awkward fluff ended up as this 7k mess. nevertheless, i hope you enjoy it! unbeta'ed + small warning for swearing + mentions of anxiety towards the end.
> 
> title taken from sf9's _midnight road_ ~

Youngkyun was a creature of habit.

 

Ever since he started university, he always sat in the middle section of all his classes, in the fifth row at the very last seat on the right. He loved his routine of starting early on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and late on Thursdays and Fridays. His Friday afternoons consisted of going to the coffee shop near the dorms with his roommate and his weekends were either spent studying or playing games.

 

He alternated between having lunch with his roommate, Chanhee, and his senior from high school, Seokwoo. He saw Chanhee on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Seokwoo for the remainder of the days. The rare occasion that was the three of them being free together was a change in routine that Youngkyun didn’t mind.

 

His free periods were spent in the library, on the second floor in the furthest corner on the left. It was generally a secluded spot since it was right next to the tall windows and most of the sunlight streamed in from there. Youngkyun liked it partly because it was so secluded, and party because the sun hit his back in just the right spot and it made studying more comfortable.

 

Having someone in his regular spot in the library, on a day that _no one_ is around, throws Youngkyun’s entire equilibrium off.

 

It’s a sunny Wednesday that Youngkyun meets the living embodiment of the sun. He’s wearing denim jeans and a grey sweater. It’s a lighter grey than his hair, which shines silver in the sunlight.

 

Youngkyun stands at the furthest bookshelf from his usual spot. He’s torn between his options: he could either walk away and find a new spot for the day (UGH) or he could share the table with the guy sitting there. Both options aren’t very appealing since option A involves possible human interaction and option B includes definite human interaction.

 

He goes with option B as it means he still gets to sit at his usual spot. The familiar territory will help with potentially talking to someone who he’s never seen before.

 

Taking a deep breath, Youngkyun steels himself and approaches his table. He carefully sits down opposite the guy and takes out his books.

 

At the sudden sounds, the guy’s head whips up from his textbook. His eyes are wide and his lips form an ‘o’ when he sees Youngkyun.

 

“Hello,” the guy bows his head slightly and greets. He gives Youngkyun a smile so blinding that he winces.

 

He winced because of the sudden sunlight hitting his eyes. That’s all. Youngkyun did not, _did not_ , wince because the guy’s smile was so bright and beautiful that he had to have a physical reaction to it. Did not!

 

“Uhm, hello,” Youngkyun greets awkwardly. He fixes his gaze on his books and shifts slightly away from the guy with the hopes of getting away from the sunlight.

 

Whether he was referring to the actual sunlight or the guy, well, Youngkyun isn’t too sure about that.

 

The minutes tick by as Youngkyun immerses himself in his work. He had a chemistry practical later that he needs to brush up on some work for, and he manages to get a head start on some mathematics homework.

 

He almost, almost forgets that he has an intruder in his spot.

 

“I’m sorry,” the guy interrupts him. His eyes are sharp and full of remorse. “Do you happen to have the time on you?”

 

Youngkyun freezes in shock. He lifts his head up slowly and his gaze catches on the guy’s phone. If he didn’t have a watch, surely his phone would suffice?

 

The guy follows his gaze and chuckles nervously, “Uhm, my phone is dead and I don’t have my charger on me.”

 

A quick glance to his wrist has Youngkyun saying, “It’s ten past twelve. Uhh…” he licks his lips nervously, “I have my charger here, if you’d like to borrow it.”

 

Relief bursts across the guy’s face as he exclaims, “Yes, that would be great! Thank you so much!”

 

Youngkyun rummages in his bag and pulls out his charger. He hands it to the guy with an awkward, “No problem.”

 

“I’ve got class at 2 but I’ll definitely return this before,” the guy promises as he plugs his phone in. His eyes light up along with his phone screen.

 

“I’m pretty much done for the day,” Youngkyun forces out an chuckle, “So I’ll be here till whenever.”

 

“I’m Yoo Taeyang, by the way.” The guy pushes his phone away and dips his head slightly. “It’s nice to meet you.”

 

Taeyang. _Sun_. How fitting.

 

“Kim Youngkyun,” he replies.

 

Taeyang smiles at him and Youngkyun doesn’t know what to do anymore. Even though the sun has shifted and their corner is no longer as bright as before, it’s still too blinding. Taeyang definitely has something to do with that.

 

Youngkyun nods in response and resumes staring at his book. Taeyang returns to his own work, furiously scribbling what looks like music notes on paper.

 

The library is quiet as people bustle about looking for a free spot. Occasionally someone will sigh heavily and it’ll reverberate throughout that section of the library. Youngkyun relates to those defeated sighs so much.

 

He occasionally sneaks glances at Taeyang and finds himself staring for longer than is normal. Taeyang catches him more than once and smiles brilliantly at him whenever their eyes meet. Youngkyun blushes and his eyes dart back to his book.

 

He’s been staring at the same page of organic chemistry for at least an hour now.

 

Before he knows it, Taeyang is packing up. Youngkyun’s eyes dart frantically to him as he stands and unplugs the charger.

 

“Thank you,” Taeyang holds it out between them, “I really appreciate it, Youngkyun-ssi.”

 

“Oh,” Youngkyun fumbles as he takes the charger and their fingers brush. “Uh, you’re welcome! Any time, actually. Really. Okay.”

 

Taeyang’s eyes crinkle in a smile and he giggles, “Okay. See you around!”

 

“Enjoy class!” Youngkyun calls after him. Taeyang shoots him a thumbs up before disappearing behind a bookshelf and out of the library. Maybe out of Youngkyun’s life too.

 

Youngkyun doesn’t know why but the thought of not seeing Taeyang again greatly disappoints him. He hopes he can see Taeyang again. The sound of his giggle echoes in his head and Youngkyun sighs.

 

“Wait, what?” Youngkyun whispers as he registers the weird feeling in his chest. “He’s an intruder! Maybe seeing him again would be nice but only if he doesn’t steal my spot again.”

 

He catches a girl lift up her head and give him a weird look. Youngkyun flushes and tries to keep his thoughts in his head.

 

It was a one-time incident, hopefully. However, he doesn’t know why his heart is beating so erratically. Youngkyun chalks it up to having to interact with a stranger.

 

Yeah, that’s all it is. Of course, it couldn’t be anything else other than the nervousness of talking to someone he doesn’t know.

 

(Sometimes, if Youngkyun lies to himself often enough, he tricks himself into thinking it’s true.)

  


* * *

  


Mondays mean an early chemistry class at 8am and then 3 free periods in which Youngkyun reviews his work for the week ahead. He gets to the library fairly early and enjoys being the only one on the second floor. Not many people frequent the second floor since it has more bookshelves than tables and the lighting is shitty unless you’re by the window Youngkyun claims as his spot.

 

The sun is starting to trickle in through said window, and Youngkyun gleefully sits down in his usual seat. He takes out his books and unconsciously starts to hum a song under his breath.

 

He loses himself in numbers and chemicals, occasionally registering students moving around him. His concentration is only broken when the chair opposite him moves and someone clears their throat.

 

Startled, Youngkyun whips his head up and his eyes widen when he sees Taeyang standing before him with a shy smile.

 

“Hello, Youngkyun-ssi,” Taeyang whispers, “Do you mind if I sit here?”

 

 _YES_ , Youngkyun’s mind screams, _You’re too cute to be near me! I mind! Go away before I spontaneously combust from how beautiful you are!_

 

“I don’t mind at all,” is what is traitorous mouth says. He suffers an internal war as Taeyang’s smile grows and his heart does funny things.

 

“It’s good to see you again,” Taeyang continues to whisper as he takes out his books, “It’s so busy here that I could hardly find an empty table. I was worried I’d have to share with someone I don’t know.”

 

 _But we don’t know each other either!_ Youngkyun thinks in despair.

 

“Oh,” he rubs his neck and tries to smile casually, “Lucky there was no one else sitting here.”

 

“Lucky I saw you,” Taeyang corrects with a sweet smile.

 

Youngkyun diverts his gaze to his notes and tries not to sneak glances again. Today, Taeyang is dressed in a simple black sweater with ripped black jeans, and his grey hair is parted slightly to the side. He looks like he stepped out of the runway, not out of class.

 

His eyes listlessly follows the writing in his textbook.

  

> **_Give an example of an exothermic reaction._ **

 

 _My heart_ , Youngkyun thinks, _it’s definitely releasing more energy because it’s beating too fast! What is happening?!_

 

Youngkyun tries to keep his gaze on his book but for some reason his eyes keep gravitating towards Taeyang. He’s like a plant following the sun, which in this case is Taeyang.

 

On the fourth or fifth glance, Taeyang lifts his head up slight and they make eye contact. Youngkyun flushes and immediately looks down. He hears Taeyang chuckle softly and hates that his heart flutters at the sound.

 

This is nothing short of insane. This is only their second encounter and Youngkyun’s heart is doing funny things. He blames Taeyang for being one of the most attractive people he’s ever seen. Youngkyun shouldn’t be blaming his heart for being weak. Yeah, he thinks he’s succeeded in convincing himself that this is a completely normal reaction.

 

A glance to his watch reveals it’s almost midday, which means Youngkyun will be late for his next class if he doesn’t leave immediately.

 

He jumps up with a small curse and rushes to back his bag. Taeyang is startled back and watches him with wide eyes.

 

“Sorry to disturb you,” Youngkyun apologises when he sees Taeyang watching him. “I’m going to be late for my maths class.”

 

“Oh, no problem!” Taeyang shakes his head with a smile. “I’ll see you around, Youngkyun-ssi.”

 

“Bye!” If Youngkyun is blushing when he runs out, well, he doesn’t tell anyone _why_ he’s blushing.

 

He makes it to class just in time to see someone with their eye on his seat. He rushes and falls into the chair with a loud sound, grinning triumphantly when he sees the person frown and look for another seat.

 

This seat, on the far right in the fifth row is _his_ and he will protect it as long as he is in this class.

 

Class begins as his professor starts to talk about the fundamental theorems of calculus and Youngkyun absentmindedly plays with the bracelets on his wrist. He tends to wear a lot of accessories and he always fiddles with them during class. It helps his mind from wandering.

 

He freezes as he grabs his bare wrist and stares down in horror. His left wrist has the 2 bracelets he usually wears, whereas his right wrist is bare. He’s missing his 3 favourite bracelets that he always wears there.

 

Youngkyun sits up in his seat and tries not to panic. He stops paying attention to class as he tries to recall where he might have possibly left his bracelets.

 

“Oh damn it,” Youngkyun curses as he facepalms. He remembers now: he was writing notes in the library, and whenever he’s writing he takes his bracelets because they weigh his wrists down and make his writing awkward. In his haste to get to class, he’d forgotten them at the table there.

 

Despair rushes through him and he stares mournfully at his bare wrist. His bracelets are as good as gone, unless some kind soul spotted it and turned it into the lost and found section in the library. It’s a long shot but Youngkyun hopes someone found them.

 

He tries to pay attention to class but his mind keeps wandering back to his bracelets. Seokwoo had gotten two of them for his last birthday and Chanhee had gotten the other for him, which was why they were so special. He’d hate to lose them especially since they were gifts from his friends.

 

As soon as class ends, Youngkyun rushes back to the library. He has another class but he doesn’t care about being late anymore.

 

“Hello,” he greets the librarian breathlessly as he skids to a stop. “Where can I find the lost and found section here?”

 

She gives him a disapproving glance but replies kindly, “Let me show you. However, nothing was turned in or taken out today.”

 

“Nothing?” Youngkyun feels his heart drop. “Did anyone say anything about bracelets found on the second floor?”

 

She shakes her head. “Unfortunately no. If they do, we’ll keep it here until someone claims them.”

 

“Thank you,” Youngkyun bows and power walks to the second floor. His spot is empty, Taeyang gone, and no bracelets in sight.

 

Youngkyun sighs in disappointment and trudges out of the library. He’s going to miss at least half his class if he goes there now. He’s too despondent to even go, so he just turns in the opposite direction and goes home.

 

He’ll get the notes from Chanhee when he comes home. He’s lucky they share that class together.

 

All Youngkyun can think of is his missing bracelets, and the barest hint of a sunny smile.

  


* * *

 

 

Youngkyun’s week passes by as normally as every other week, only with two abnormalities. He mourns the loss of his bracelets and tries to forget about them; he’s most likely never going to see them again. He also doesn’t know how to feel about Taeyang. He hasn’t seen Taeyang all week, except for Wednesday when he saw Taeyang and took a different route to class just to avoid him.

 

He’s grateful that Taeyang hasn’t tried to steal his spot in the library but whenever Youngkyun sees him, his heart tends to beat too fast and he can’t handle it. No Taeyang is equivalent to a steady and healthy heart and he’d like to keep it that way.

 

Friday afternoon finds him in his regular window seat at the coffee shop near the dorms. Chanhee sent had texted him to say he won’t make it due to a group project, and Youngkyun slightly thrown off his axis with the news. Everything goes back to normal when Seokwoo texts him to say he’d meet him at the coffee shop instead, so Youngkyun waits for him with a warm cup of hot chocolate.

 

He’s absentmindedly scrolling through his phone when someone clears their throat and he looks up to see who it was.

 

Yoo Taeyang stands before him in faded denim jeans, a white sweater and a bomber jacket that makes him look like he walked right out of a magazine. He’s got his backpack slung coolly over one shoulder and his fingers fiddle nervously with each other.

 

“Hey, Youngkyun-ssi,” Taeyang smiles brilliantly, “Mind if I join you?”

 

Youngkyun panics. Seokwoo would be there in a few minutes. Seeing Taeyang is an unforeseen instance and he doesn’t know what to do.

 

“Uhh,” Youngkyun stares at Taeyang’s expectant face and can’t bear to say no. “No problem, you can, uh, join me.”

 

He facepalms inwardly as Taeyang grins and takes a seat opposite him. It’s the first time he’s seen Taeyang since that Monday in the library and his heart chooses that very moment to start beating faster than normal. Wow, just great.

 

Youngkyun clutches his hot chocolate a bit tighter and says, “You didn’t get anything to drink?”

 

“Oh, I did!” Taeyang grins even wider, “I’m just waiting for it. I finished class early so I thought I’d stop by this cafe before I head home.”

 

Youngkyun nods and taps his fingers against his cup. He feels even more awkward than usual. At least in the library, the two of them merely shared the same space. The silence was mandatory and they both stuck to doing their work. Now, outside of the library and with nothing to stop conversation, Youngkyun doesn’t know what to talk about. He doesn’t know Taeyang at all, has only ever met him twice, and Youngkyun finds him too attractive to function properly around him.

 

Luckily, Taeyang saves him from having to continue the conversation. Taeyang’s eyes light up and he says, “Oh yeah! I almost forgot!”

 

Taeyang rummages through his backpack and Youngkyun watches on curiously. A minute passes before Taeyang lets out an adorable sound of triumph as he pulls out a small cotton bag and hands it to Youngkyun.

 

“Here you go!” Taeyang’s eyes crinkle in a sweet smile.

 

“Huh?” Youngkyun’s sudden confusion melts away when he feels what’s in the cotton bag. His eyes widen when he reaches inside and pulls out his bracelet. “Oh my god!”

 

“Ah,” There’s a light dusting of pink on Taeyang’s cheeks, “You rushed off that day in the library and I couldn’t find you after. I kept it in case I saw you again.”

 

“Thank you so much!” Youngkyun can’t stop the relief from rushing into his voice. “Really. I’m so glad you found it and kept it, I thought I lost these forever!”

 

“No problem at all,” Taeyang’s blush deepens. “I’m just glad I saw them in time.”

 

The relief and happiness of having his bracelets back loosens the tension in Youngkyun. He smiles at Taeyang freely, ever so grateful for his bracelets.

 

Time seems to stand still as they sit and smile dopily at each other. Youngkyun uses the opportunity to stare at Taeyang’s soft eyes and admire how beautiful he is. He’s hyper aware of Taeyang’s eyes on him too, and wants to blush and hide but wills himself not to.

 

A loud call of his voice breaks the spell between them, and Youngkyun silently laments as they both look towards the source.

 

Seokwoo bursts into the cafe and practically bounds up to Youngkyun. He almost trips over his own two feet as he skids to a stop.

 

“Youngkyunnie,” Seokwoo croons as he bends down to hug him. “Did you wait long for me?”

 

“No hyung,” Youngkyun rolls his eyes fondly. “I was only waiting for at least an hour.”

 

Seokwoo imitates his eye roll but it lacks any heat. His eyes drift to opposite Youngkyun, where Taeyang is frozen with an awkward smile, and he startles. “Oh! Taeyang-ah! What are you doing here?”

 

“Hey Seokwoo hyung,” Taeyang stands up to greet him. “I was just talking to Youngkyunnie here.”

 

They’re not familiar enough with each other for Taeyang to be referring to him so casually, yet Youngkyun feels like asking Seokwoo to stop calling him that and for Taeyang to never call him anything else but that. The nickname rolls off Taeyang’s tongue easily and warmly, and it has butterflies bursting in his stomach.

 

“You two know each other?” Seokwoo turns his gaze back to Youngkyun, and he recognizes the mischievous glint in Seokwoo’s eyes with a jolt of panic.

 

“We met recently,” Youngkyun says vaguely. Seokwoo looks too happy with this news and he’s nervous. Seokwoo means well but chances are he’s going to use the opportunity to embarrass Youngkyun.

 

“Oh!” Seokwoo grins and settles into the remaining seat, “And how did that happen?”

 

“It was at the library,” Taeyang returns his grin. He relaxes once the initial shock of seeing Seokwoo disappears.

 

“Of course it was,” Seokwoo laughs loudly, “Youngkyunnie here either lives in his dorm or the library, depending on his routine. Taeyang, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you there before, though.”

 

Taeyang’s chuckle is laced with nervousness, “My roommate kicked me out of our room so he could be with his boyfriend and I needed to study.”

 

“And how do you two know each other?” Youngkyun looks at Seokwoo with an eyebrow raised in retaliation. He crosses his arms and tries to stare down his taller friend to no avail.

 

“We share an elective!” Seokwoo’s eyes curve into a happy smile. “It’s good to know you two are friends now! Taeyang, we’re having our monthly movie marathon meeting soon, why don’t you join us?”

 

Panic rushes through Youngkyun and he sits up with wide eyes. He tries to communicate with Seokwoo to ask him _just what the hell does he think he’s doing_ , inviting someone who’s practically a stranger to their routine movie marathons?

 

Seokwoo meets his eyes and subtly winks at him. Youngkyun wants to scream in frustration. There’s no way that Seokwoo didn’t catch his message, which could only mean one other thing: he’s Planning something. Capitalization required.

 

Taeyang glances between them in confusion. “Uh, if Youngkyun doesn’t mind,” he sounds too hopeful and lost, and Youngkyun wants to glare at him but his heart has other ideas. “Also, who is _‘we’_?”

 

“Youngkyun, me, and Chanhee!” Seokwoo is too enthusiastic about this. “He’s Youngkyun’s roommate.”

 

“Oh,” Taeyang looks at Youngkyun. “It sounds fun. I don’t mind but only if Youngkyunnie won’t mind.”

 

“Yeah, _Youngkyunnie_ ,” Seokwoo is positively delighted. “Do you mind?”

 

Youngkyun opens and closes his mouth, at a loss for words. His fingers are twitching at the sudden change in routine. Yet when his gaze drifts to Taeyang, and he sees the anticipation in his eyes, Youngkyun sighs defeatedly.

 

“I don’t mind,” Youngkyun huffs out in acquiescence, his cheeks colouring slightly.

 

Seokwoo cheers and turns to Taeyang, “Perfect! I’ll text you the address, okay?”

 

Youngkyun wants to politely murder his friend. He’s already dreading their upcoming movie marathon. With his luck, it’s going to be awkward and he’s probably going to jump out the window of their dorm room afterwards.

 

He sighs and tries to get used to the idea of spending even _more_ time with Taeyang.

 

(His heart doesn’t seem to mind at all.)

  


* * *

 

  


Youngkyun walks into the library next Monday with his heart racing in his chest. His Mondays are as uneventful as your typical university student’s Mondays, but the previous week had him meeting Taeyang and losing his bracelets. He’s certain the latter part won’t happen again as he’s been taking extra care of his bracelets. As for the former…

 

The idea of meeting Taeyang today is unusual and throws his routine off. If he doesn’t meet Taeyang then it means his Mondays are back to being predictable, which is exactly how he likes it. However, if he _does_ meet Taeyang, that hints at a regular occurrence that Youngkyun isn’t sure he can deal with just yet.

 

He settles in his usual spot and starts reviewing work for the week. He’s got a test on Wednesday and an assignment due on Friday. And then there's the upcoming movie marathon...

 

Youngkyun forces himself to focus when his thoughts drift to a particular sunny smile and reads each word in his textbook with extra force.

 

Around an hour later, Youngkyun feels the room grow warmer and he slowly looks up. He’s back to being a plant that follows the sun as it shines. The sight of Taeyang isn't even a surprise anymore.

 

Taeyang greets him with a soft smile, “Hey, Youngkyunnie.”

 

Bam. There goes his heart, straight into overdrive.

 

“H-Hi,” Youngkyun clears his throat when he stutters.

 

“May I?” Taeyang gestures to the empty seat opposite Youngkyun and he nods. “Fancy seeing you here.”

 

Youngkyun laughs nervously. “I’m always here. Every day. Not at the same time, though. More often than less. It’s a habit. It’s routine. I like routine.”

 

A girl turns to glare at him from another table and he falls silent with a blush. Taeyang is looking at him with something unidentifiable in his eyes and Youngkyun feels his equilibrium tilt.

 

“Sorry,” he whispers. “I rant when I’m nervous sometimes.”

 

“Do I make you nervous?” Taeyang leans closer and asks, his voice equally as low.

 

“What?” Youngkyun frantically waves his hands in denial, “No! I’m just, it’s just -”

 

He’s cut off by a small giggle from Taeyang. “You’re cute.”

 

Youngkyun’s blush deepens as he stutters, “What?”

 

“Nothing,” Taeyang grins as he takes out his books. “Anyway, don’t let me distract you from your work.”

 

Youngkyun falls back in his seat and stares at his book blankly. There’s no way he can concentrate when his heart is beating furiously against his chest and his cheeks feel so hot that they almost hurt.

 

Taeyang shoots him a smile that doesn’t help at all. His mere presence is a huge distraction to Youngkyun, and he wants to scream in frustration.

 

Yoo Taeyang is throwing Youngkyun’s entire world out of its orbit and he doesn’t know how to feel or what to do about it.

  


* * *

 

 

Taeyang slowly works his way into Youngkyun’s routined life. It starts from just seeing him in the library at his spot, which now becomes _their_ spot, to Seokwoo inviting Taeyang to their lunches every other day.

 

Youngkyun suddenly sees Taeyang _everywhere_. He’s sitting on the grass in front of the building where Youngkyun has chemistry, and they end up talking until the sun is almost setting. He’s looking for a place to sit and eat his lunch when Seokwoo waves him over and Chanhee raises an eyebrow in question at Youngkyun. He’s at the cafe when Youngkyun grabs some coffee and doesn’t see a free table; he ends up sitting with Taeyang and time suddenly seems to fly.

 

Seeing Taeyang at every turn becomes a regular occurrence, so much so that Youngkyun no longer feels awkward and shy around him. The only problem is his erratic heartbeat whenever he’s around Taeyang.

 

The very sight of Taeyang prompts his heart to start beating faster than normal; a sunny smile and he’s afraid his heart is going to beat right out of his chest. A brush of their fingers and his heart almost stops. It’s starting to frustrate Youngkyun, and he voices his vexation on the day of the monthly movie marathon.

 

“I can’t believe Seokwoo invited Taeyang to our movie marathon,” Youngkyun complains. “This is our tradition! _Our routine_! How can he tarnish that by inviting an outsider?!”

 

“Chill dude,” Chanhee kicks his foot from where it almost hit his face. “You and Taeyang have been getting pretty close, he’s hardly an outsider. And what gives? Others have been to our marathons before. Remember that time Inseong hyung was here and Seokwoo couldn’t stop cuddling him?”

 

“Yes but Inseong hyung is different,” Youngkyun sighs in annoyance, “He’s Seokwoo’s boyfriend and we _know_ him.”

 

“Well, you and Seokwoo hyung _know_ Taeyang,” Chanhee mimics his whine and Youngkyun tries to kick him on purpose this time. “Plus, you like him.”

 

Youngkyun’s foot pauses mid-strike. “What?”

 

Chanhee grins evilly. “Don’t deny it, Youngkyunnie. You like _like_ Taeyang.”

 

“I do not!” Youngkyun shrieks as he jumps up. “It’s just that my heart does this stupid thing where it beats super fast whenever I’m around him -”

 

“And you get stars in your eyes whenever you talk about him and you blush around him and you get butterflies,” Chanhee clasps his hands together and smirks. “Dude. Youngkyunnie. You have a major fucking crush on Taeyang.”

 

“Fuck.” Youngkyun drops his head into his hands. “What am I going to do?”

 

“Seokwoo thinks he likes you too,” Chanhee shrugs. “He’s always talking about you and you’ve stopped complaining about him stealing your library table!”

 

“Yes but…” Youngkyun is at a loss. Crushing on Taeyang is an unpredicted course of action. He can’t even test Chanhee’s supposed hypothesis because the result is clearly evident in the way Youngkyun feels when he’s around Taeyang.

 

“Fuck.” Youngkyun repeats with feeling.

 

“Seokwoo!” Chanhee yells when he hears the door opening. “Youngkyun finally realized that he likes -”

 

Chanhee’s rushing out of the room when Youngkyun makes to tackle him. They hit the wall together and fall down in a heap of mixed limbs.

 

Seokwoo and Taeyang enter the living room with equally confused expressions on their faces.

 

“Ignore him,” Youngkyun wheezes out from the floor, where Chanhee’s elbow is digging into his windpipe. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

 

“I do!” Chanhee gasps as he pushes Youngkyun off him. “Anyway. Hello, Taeyang-ssi. It’s nice to finally meet you, Seokwoo and Youngkyun have told me a lot about you. Mostly Youngkyun but I digress.”

 

“They were good things, I hope,” Taeyang’s eyes light up when they move to Youngkyun, and Youngkyun's glare towards Chanhee softens when he sees Taeyang.

 

“Anyway!” Youngkyun huffs and walks towards the couch. “Dibs on the couch!”

 

“I’ll grab the popcorn!” Seokwoo yells as he disappears into his kitchen. “Chanhee-yah, you can have the other seat! Taeyang-ah, you’re the guest so you can share the couch!”

 

Taeyang watches him leave and walks towards Youngkyun, who’s scrolling through Seokwoo’s Netflix account. Seokwoo was the only one who had his own apartment close to campus, and so all their marathons and occasional parties were held at his place. He was also blessed to have a netflix account, something that Youngkyun and Chanhee took advantage off when they were bored.

 

“So,” Taeyang begins as he falls back on the couch. He lands somewhat close to Youngkyun, and he tries to quell the rising blush. “What movies are we watching?”

 

“It’s Seokwoo’s turn to pick,” Youngkyun shrugs, trying to appear nonchalant. “I picked last time so you can count out horror and animated movies.”

 

“Those are my favourite!” Taeyang pouts, and Youngkyun cooes inwardly at how cute he looks. “What movies does Seokwoo usually choose?”

 

“Romance,” Chanhee rolls his eyes. “And he cries during every one. Every. Single. One.”

 

“Hey!” Seokwoo gasps as he enters with popcorn. “Stop lying, you two! I do not cry!”

 

“Just wait and see,” Youngkyun whispers conspiratorially. “He’ll be in tears halfway through the first movie.”

 

Taeyang chuckles and replies, “It’s something to look forward to, I guess.”

 

Seokwoo makes sure there’s hardly any light filtering in through any window or door before settling down in one of the bean cushions with his popcorn. Youngkyun selects the movie as Seokwoo instructs and they all sit back, focused on the tv screen in front of them.

 

Youngkyun is paying attention to the movie, a sweet story of a girl who is hired as a companion to a paraplegic man and eventually falls in love with him, when he suddenly becomes aware of Taeyang.

 

They’re sitting close on Seokwoo’s small couch, and every time Youngkyun inhales, he unconsciously shifts closer to Taeyang. Their arms brush every now and then, sending bursts of electricity through Youngkyun.

 

He stops paying attention to the movie when he realises how beautiful Taeyang’s side profile is. He’s admiring the gentle slope of Taeyang’s eyes when Taeyang’s gaze shift and they make eye contact.

 

Youngkyun is frozen in place as the room melts away and he stares into Taeyang’s eyes. He only realises that Taeyang is talking when he’s nudged.

 

“Sorry,” Youngkyun blushes, “What were you saying?”

 

Taeyang smiles in amusement. “I said I see what you mean.” He jerks his chin towards the right, in Seokwoo’s direction.

 

Youngkyun shifts his gaze and inadvertently brings them closer. He sees Seokwoo furiously wiping his eyes as the couple on screen go on a date. Youngkyun grins and turns back to Taeyang to whisper, “I told you so.”

 

“It’s cute.” Taeyang chuckles softly. “Not as cute as you making heart eyes every time something romantic happens.”

 

Youngkyun’s stomach swoops and he sputters, “I do not make heart eyes!”

 

“Yes you do!” Taeyang grins and bumps their shoulders together. “Don’t worry. It’s cute.”

 

Youngkyun is grateful that the room is dark so that Taeyang can’t see his blush. He pouts and his blush deepens when Taeyang suddenly leans his head on his shoulder.

 

“Do you mind?” Taeyang whispers.

 

His heart is in his throat, yet Youngkyun still manages to choke out, “No. Just don’t fall asleep on me.”

 

“I won’t,” Taeyang promises and Youngkyun feels his body vibrate with a soft chuckle.

 

Out of the corner of his eyes, Youngkyun sees Chanhee looking at them with wide eyes and a huge grin. He moves his hand so Taeyang won’t see, and raises a middle finger in Chanhee’s direction.

 

He’s hyper aware of Taeyang, and frozen in place. After a while he relaxes and brings his hands down to his lap. He accidentally knocks Taeyang’s hand and is about to apologise, when Taeyang rests his hand next to Youngkyun’s. They’re not holding hands, but they’re so close that if Youngkyun moves ever so slightly, he’ll be able to intertwine their fingers.

 

Seokwoo tearfully selects the next movie and the next again. They only pause to refill drinks and popcorn, and for the intermittent bathroom break. When they return, Youngkyun and Taeyang fall back in place like magnets finding their home. Youngkyun pointedly ignores Seokwoo and Chanhee’s suggestive glances and ends up flipping them off whenever he gets the chance.

 

Before they know it, the credits to the fourth move are rolling and their stomachs are grumbling. Seokwoo stands up from his bean cushion with a low whine, stretching loudly.

 

“I’m hungry.” Seokwoo says. Silence greets him.

 

He looks around the room, surprised to see Chanhee passed out on the other side, and Taeyang and Youngkyun sleeping with their heads leaning against each other and their hands almost intertwined.

 

Seokwoo cooes softly at his friends. He takes out his phone and quickly snaps photos for future blackmail, and crosses the room to grab blankets. He figures it’s late enough that an impromptu sleepover is in order. Chanhee and Youngkyun practically live here on some days, so it’s nothing different.

 

He ends up ordering takeout an hour later, too hungry to wake up his friends. The smell of food rouses Chanhee first, who tiredly walks to the bathroom to wake himself up.

 

Youngkyun slowly wakes to an incredibly warm feeling. He lazily blinks his eyes open and glances to his watch. It’s a little after 10 pm, he notes with a groan.

 

He turns his head and almost jumps back in surprised to see the silver strands of Taeyang’s hair. His heart thundering in his chest, he finally notices the blanket draped over them. He wiggles his left hand and startles when he makes contact with Taeyang’s hand.

 

With red cheeks, he stays frozen in place and takes the chance to admire Taeyang for the umpteenth time. He’s beautiful, with sharp cheekbones and eyebrows, and eyes that are so, so soft.

 

Eyes which are slowly opening and pinning him in place with their gaze.

 

“Hey there.” Taeyang’s voice is raspy and sends chills down Youngkyun’s spine.

 

“Hey.” He whispers back, not wanting to break the bubble in which they’re residing. “Sorry about this.”

 

Taeyang’s smile is soft and tugs at his heart. “Don’t be. That was the best nap I’ve had in a long while.”

 

Youngkyun’s stomach growls when the smell of food reaches him and he blushes. “We should probably go eat.”

 

“Yeah, we should.” Taeyang agrees but doesn’t move an inch. His eyes glitter in the light and there’s an indescribably fond expression on his face. “Youngkyunnie.”

 

His breath catches at the nickname. “Yeah?”

 

“Can I confess something?” Taeyang shifts imperceptibly closer to him.

 

“Yeah.” Youngkyun repeats. His heart is in his throat and it seems he’s only capable of one syllable responses. Being in such close proximity to Yoo Taeyang, the human embodiment of the sun, does that to a person.

 

“I like you.” Taeyang’s voice holds sincerity and relief. “I really like you, Youngkyunnie.”

 

Youngkyun is afraid that his heart is going to beat right out of his chest. He’s pretty sure Taeyang can hear how loud it’s beating. He feels his world shift beneath him and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

 

He opens his mouth to voice his own fondness of Taeyang, but what comes out is, “You’re an intruder. I cannot fraternise with the enemy but my heart says otherwise.”

 

Taeyang’s eyebrows pull together in confusion. “I’m an intruder?”

 

Youngkyun wants to kick himself. He leans back with a loud groan. “Oh my god, that was not what I meant to say!”

 

“I’m an intruder?” Taeyang is grinning now. “An intruder in your heart?”

 

“Oh my god.” Youngkyun stares at Taeyang in utter disbelief. “That was so cheesy. Like, extra cheesy.”

 

“You liked it,” Taeyang shrugs and yeah, Youngkyun did like it, if his traitorous heart has anything to say about it. “Really though. Fraternising with the enemy? What is that about?”

 

Youngkyun feels his nerves start to sing with the question in Taeyang’s eyes. “Uh well, you see, there’s a routine for literally everything in my life.”

 

“So I’ve noticed,” Taeyang smiles, “It’s cute. Seokwoo also told me about it.”

 

“Seokwoo has a big mouth.” Youngkyun rolls his eyes. “But he means well. But yes, my routine. I’m boring; I live my life predictably and nothing ever changes. And then you appeared - a literal meteor throwing me off my orbit.”

 

He doesn’t realise that his hands are shaking until Taeyang grabs them gently. Taeyang’s thumb brushes the back of his hand and he feels himself calming down slowly and steadily.

 

“Hey, hey,” Taeyang brings them closer together. “It’s okay. I’m a meteor, awesome, right?”

 

Youngkyun laughs despite his sudden anxiety, which is quickly fading thanks to Taeyang. “Sorry for my choice of words but, yeah. You appearing in my life was something I couldn’t foresee and not having control of things makes me anxious. I was so annoyed with you when we first met.”

 

Taeyang laughs. “What? Why were you annoyed with me?”

 

“Because you were sitting in my spot,” Youngkyun feels silly for saying it but Taeyang remains amused and unbiased. “But then you spoke to me and smiled at me and I don’t even know how but you became a part of my routine, a part of my life. So yeah, Yoo Taeyang, you are an intruder in my heart. But I don’t mind; my heart is very fond of you.”

 

“Does that mean you like me too?” Taeyang’s eyes shine with unparalleled tenderness and his voice, whilst teasing, holds a note of uncertainty.

 

“Yeah.” Youngkyun confesses. “I like you too.”

 

He exhales heavily and is pleased to see relief flit across Taeyang’s face. His world, which was precariously unbalanced, gradually seems to gain its equilibrium back.

 

“So,” Taeyang begins conversationally, “Will you go on a date with me?”

 

And once again, his world is thrown off balance with a simple question. Youngkyun chokes on air and sputters in indignation, “You can’t just ask questions out of the blue like that!”

 

Taeyang’s eyes widen in feigned innocence, “I’m just asking! We like each other, I want to date you, so the obvious solution is to go on a date!”

 

Youngkyun closes his eyes in an attempt to regain his composure. He has a feeling that he’s going to have to get used to the capricious force of nature that Taeyang was.

 

“Okay.” He agrees with a blush. “I’d love to go on a date with you.”

 

He opens his eyes to see Taeyang grinning from ear to ear. Unable to resist, his lips stretch into an identical grin.

 

“Great.” Taeyang says, “I’ll text you details.”

 

“Or you could just tell me on Monday,” Youngkyun shrugs.

 

“How do you know that we’ll see each other on Monday?” Taeyang raises his eyebrow in mirth.

 

“You’re a part of my routine now.” Youngkyun sighs and offers no further explanation. The mere fact that Taeyang has become a constant in his life is not as bad as he thought it would be.

 

Taeyang is about to reply when a loud crash resounds from the kitchen. They pause and turn towards the direction of the kitchen, similar expressions of confusion and worry on their faces.

 

“Seokwoo!” Chanhee’s voice is loud with annoyance. “You just gave us away!”

 

“I’m sorry!” Seokwoo wails. “You owe me 5000 won!”

 

“5000 won?” Youngkyun stands and goes to see what’s happening, unconsciously pulling Taeyang with him. “What for?”

 

Seokwoo is helping Chanhee off the floor when they catch sight of Taeyang and Youngkyun. The four of them freeze, and then Youngkyun narrows his eyes.

 

“Were you two eavesdropping on us?”

 

“No.” The redness of Seokwoo’s ears betray him. “Absolutely not!”

 

“Yes.” Chanhee rolls his eyes. “And now I owe Seokwoo 5000 won because Taeyang confessed first.”

 

“You bet on us?” Taeyang bursts into laughter. “Really?”

 

“I thought Youngkyun would work up the courage but apparently not.” Chanhee sighs in defeat. “I had hope you for, Kim Youngkyun!”

 

“Sorry to disappoint,” Youngkyun says sarcastically. “I can’t believe you guys listened to us!”

 

“Not all of it!” Seokwoo protests. “Just the part where Taeyang confessed and asked you out.”

 

“You two are adorable.” Despite his deadpan expression, Chanhee’s words ring with sincerity. “I can’t wait for you guys to be as disgustingly in love as Inseong hyung and Seokwoo. You can't beat those two for awful and excessive PDA.”

 

Youngkyun and Taeyang exchange amused glances as Chanhee and Seokwoo start to argue loudly. Their hands are still clasped, Youngkyun notes. It feels… right, somehow.

 

There’s this ineffable feeling of wholeness in Youngkyun’s heart. He glances to Chanhee and Seokwoo, who are deep in a good-natured argument, to Taeyang, whose eyes reflect the joy and contentedness in his own eyes.

 

Youngkyun realises that between his two crazy best friends and now Taeyang, who is truly an intruder in his heart, his life is as whimsical as it could ever be. Sure, he’s someone who heavily relies on habits and proclivity to find balance in his life. But he’s certain that his life is about to become a paradox of routine and volatility.

 

His eyes drift to Taeyang once again sees him smile. The room immediately seems brighter and warmer, abruptly filled with so many possibilities.

 

Youngkyun, lost in his thoughts about his life and Taeyang, thinks that yeah, he could totally get used to this.

  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading ^♡^ come scream about sf9 and hwitae with me on Tumblr @[sf9](https://sf9.tumblr.com/) !


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